The last three weeks have been full of twists and turns. On January 5, Gretchen went to the ER for the second time that week. She is a healthy (and very fit) 61 year old woman with no pre-existing conditions. Fast forward and she’s at her third hospital in three weeks. It’s hard to keep track of all the diagnoses and changes so I’ll spare you the details. What the doctors do seem to agree on is this is a unique case.
I come from a blended family. My mom and dad divorced when I was six and both remarried. So I have four parents and three sisters. Our blended story looks a little different than my own blended family (Smeach Squad), but what I can tell you is that with struggles and challenges also come glimmers and healing. I have learned so much from each of my four parents and each of them have helped me become who I am today. At 43 years old, I can see God’s work in the messy.
Twenty years of recovery and watching others walk through hard stuff has helped prepare me for the last few weeks. My faith – while at times still feels so new and immature – has also deepened. I have asked God over and over again to prepare my heart for whatever His will may be. Journaling, working out and connecting with others has also helped. And cleaning the bathrooms.
Even in the chaos and uncertainty there have been bright spots. I want to highlight a few here. During an almost impossibly busy season of life I have been able to spend quality time with my dad and two of my sisters. From quiet moments in hospital rooms to laughter in hospital hallways because we got lost. Again. From compassionate nurses and doctors who acknowledge the seriousness of it all, but also recognize we’re a family full of bad jokes and deep faith. Watching my dad care for Gretchen and watching his faith in action has also been a gift.
Gretchen has run six marathons (and so many other races). She’s an athlete. She knows what it takes to start slow and get better over time. Her recovery will not be a sprint. It will be marathon. It will require grit, mental toughness, endurance and support from others.
I have witnessed first hand the power of prayer. Prayer warriors from so many circles coming together and praying for my parents. Church, recovery, work, friends, family – even some who don’t typically pray are praying now. The magnitude and reach is heart warming. Please keep praying.
Ending this with a Bible verse my sweet friend Jenna shared with me recently…
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Beautiful Chaos 
Sending SO much love to you and your beautiful family. 🫶🏻
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Praying you and your family kiddo
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Prayer and positive thoughts coming your way.
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Such a great update Justine. I can feel the pain that is covered and carried by God. Regardless, He is in control. At times we don’t always understand. But He’s got this. Praying for strength for you, Gretchen, your Dad and family. ❤️
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Such a loving post Justine. We both have a come a long way in our relationship, our faith, our journey. Usually I would cry reading something like this, but I guess my tear ducts are dried out. Gretchen and I enjoy our lame Hallmark movies, especially around Christmas. Invariably, I cry at the end. She asked me once, why? I said because I’m a sucker for true love. I’ll get back to that later.
As I sit here in the hospital room keeping watch over Gretchen as she sleeps, I’m reflecting on my life. I’ve always been a good athlete, a good card player, a good competitor in most any game/sport. As a husband, I’ve not been very good, a father – average, a friend – so so, a Christian – also so so. I detest fair weather fans, yet here I am a fair weather person. It’s not a cry for people to tell me otherwise.
These past 3 weeks plus, I’ve been very good at all of these. I’ve loved and cherished Gretchen as humanly possible; true love? You name it, I’ve done it for her these past 3 weeks. It hasn’t been a burden at all; I’m all in and relish every opportunity to care for her. I love it when she tells me; she loves me being her nurse.
I’ve been a loving, sensitive father to my daughters as they come and spend time with us at the hospital. I have developed and nurtured friendships through exchanges via texts and Facebook posts/comments and phone calls. My Christian faith has blossomed as I spend lots of time praying and meditating and listening for God’s voice. But my faith is wavering as I see small improvements in Gretchen’s condition only to be slapped back down by changing assessments and situations. I’ve been praying hard for a miracle, not bargaining with God, but trying to appeal to his Fatherly instincts. I point out that I feel He is using our situation to bring people closer to Him, but look how much glory would He bring to Himself if He would restore Gretchen to Health.
But His Ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts, not our will, but His.
I’m not giving up, we still have hope and favorable odds for a good recovery for Gretchen. We have a procedure to be done in the next week that will medically enhance Gretchen’s recovery progress. So please pray to the High Heavens with me, let’s see if we can influence God’s will for a healthy recovery for Gretchen. I want to bring her home with me and have our own Hallmark moment, taking care of my true love.
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Justine, thank you for sharing your heart. I can truly “feel” the growth in your relationship with God. What a beautiful thing. Continuing to lift up your family in prayer! -Jenna
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div dir=”ltr”>This is beautiful, Justine. Thank you for sharing
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Beautifully written, sis. Love you ❤️
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