All the Rooms

At age 23, I was in self destruct mode. Angry, full of fear, and addicted to alcohol. From 16 to 23 I had been on a roller coaster of extreme highs and extreme lows and on September 11, 2003 I hit my bottom. A few days later I attended my first meeting and haven’t felt the need to take a drink since. My sobriety date is September 12, 2003.

Sobriety – Getting sober at 23 meant completely changing my lifestyle. It required admitting that I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable. I was lost and broken. The first six months weren’t pretty. Thank God there were people who went before me that could show me a different way. My life began to change.

Financial independence – Next up, become financially independent. Bought a condo, graduated from college (finally), and started to learn about financial stability. Live within your means, pay off your credit card each month, and pay your bills on time. This one took some time. It wasn’t until I was 38 that I had paid off my debts, set up multiple savings accounts, and had my first taste of what disposable income means. This was a hard room to clean.

Smoking – I quit smoking cigarettes at 26. Two and half years sober and starting to realize I don’t want to just be sober, I want to be well. It was around this time a friend said to me…if we stick around and do the work, eventually we clean all the rooms.

Exercise – At 26, I traded in my cigarettes for exercise and started running. My lungs started to heal and I discovered meditation in motion. I was able to run miles at a time with no one and no music. It was empowering and I felt free. This room was hard at first, but exercising regularly quickly became my new daily habit.

Spirituality – For years prior to sobriety I had lots of faith questions. I remember shortly after getting sober a woman told me that God creates us in a way that only he can fill the void. I tried to fill that void with all kinds of things. I desperately wanted to feel connected to God – more than a broad and ambiguous higher power, which was enough in the beginning, but I was seeking more.

From the ages of 29 to 38 I had been married, given birth to two kids, and then divorced. God had placed a few beautiful women in my life who could best be described as bright spots. Something about them was different. That something was they were Christian. I asked questions, I stayed close, and I surrendered (again). I felt this stirring deep in my heart and got baptized at age 39.

Emotional growth – Still cleaning rooms in my 40s. Being in my second marriage, raising four kids, and coparenting across three households requires more work. This past year I attended a few group therapy weekends and found it incredibly valuable. These experiences provided further insight into how past life experiences have shaped me and a space to better understand my shortcomings and how they handicap me in relationships. There is more work to be done, but I remain willing to grow and grateful for the journey.

Wellness – A room I have sometimes avoided. I gave up running a few years ago. My body was in pain and I shifted to biking and yoga. I used to run so I could eat whatever I wanted. I love ice cream! This past year I started to focus more on weight training. A friend of mine likes to say – I know you like to be a cardio queen, but lifting weights at your age is important. Ugh. I’m getting older and quickly realizing what used to work won’t work now.

So, I considered who I knew that could help me learn how to fuel my body better and help me prepare for even more change in the future (the big M word). I started working with a nutrition coach. The last three months have reminded me of early sobriety in terms of surrendering old ideas and following someone else’s suggestions. I already feel better, I am stronger, and have leaned down. I still have more to learn, but it’s about making daily choices to sustain and improve overall wellness.

As I celebrate 21 years of sobriety and reflect on my journey, these things remain consistent. Surrender. God. Community. Discipline.

*If you are struggling, you don’t have to do it alone. ❤️