Favorite

Growing up I often felt like my parents favored my younger sister. As an adult I can honestly say I was a difficult child to raise (especially in my teens), and what felt like favoritism at times was often more of a shared interest in things between a parent and child. Based on my own experience as a mother in a blended family I am sensitive to this. This month’s post is focused on raising teens in a blended family and trying to be attentive to each one in a way that matters to them. I am still learning. But here’s where I’ve been and what I’m working on now.

We officially blended our families in May 2021. Each of our kids have distinct personalities (as with most families). Once we shared a home and started spending more time together there were noticeable differences in how our kids preferred attention, what their routines were, and how they handled transition days (changing houses between coparents).

First, I strive not to over rotate and give grace. While there are probably more similarities between our households than differences, it’s still a change every week. Being present and meeting each teen where they are is easier said than done when your house goes from 2 people to 6 people at 4:00 pm on a Wednesday.

If you ask our boys they will tell you the girls are favored in all houses across the board. Our oldest and youngest are girls and if you ask our boys they’ll be happy to break it down for you. Even when intentions are good, your actions will matter most. Feedback about chores and consequences can come out sideways in the middle of watering plants on a random Thursday night and before you know it you discover a kid has big, big feelings about some things. In these moments, I try to call a timeout. It could be a couple hours or a couple days, but we agree to come back to it. When we do, I give our teens the freedom to say whatever is on their hearts – no consequences. I share with them that I will always listen and take it to prayer.

Being a mom challenges me in a way that nothing else does. I never want any teen in this house to feel left out or loved less than their siblings. So it’s important I take time to listen to why they may feel that way, ask them what they need from me, and then give consideration to how I can do my part better. I also try to remember they are learning how to communicate and deal with conflict, and home should be a safe place to do this before moving out into the world.

As we approach our five year wedding anniversary there is much to reflect on. I always say blending our family has been my greatest adventure. My biggest lessons in unconditional love, forgiveness, grace, letting go, and resiliency are woven throughout our story. Our foundation is built on faith and without it the house crumbles. Grateful for our beautiful chaos – the highs and lows, but most importantly the five people I get to love on this side of heaven.